Time doesn't heal, but God provides!

This morning I woke up thankful. I always anticipate how I will feel days and weeks before big holidays and I usually anticipate the worse...which technically makes me grieve my mom before the holiday or anniversary actually takes place. It's amazing how everyone processes and grieves differently.

Like I said, this morning I woke up thankful. I woke up to a text message from my wonderful fiance honoring my mom and wishing he could be here for this day instead of at Air Force training. I also turned over and looked at printed pictures of wedding dress shopping last weekend and all of the people who were there to support me! Again... it made me thankful.

People say that time heals everything. I don't really believe this. In my life, it hasn't been time healing my pain, it has been God providing. God has provided people in my life who have become family. These people will never replace my wonderful mother (nor do they want to) instead, they help me honor and remember her and provide the support that she did in my life!

John and Audrey Church have become my family. When I think of home, even though I was raised in several places from New England to Texas...I think of Buda/Kyle. When I drive to their house, it feels like I am driving away from the city, and home to family! I cannot explain what God has provided to me through their family. John has become like a big brother who I greatly respect. He always provides good wisdom when I don't know what to do in a situation and can definatly always make me laugh! Audrey has become the sister I never had. Sometimes we joke about whether she has become more like a sister or a mom, because she def gets sentimental like a mother would in my life. I used to call my mom several times a day...she was the person I would call when anything happened...good or bad! When my mom died, I kept finding myself dialing her number to tell her something even months after, only to realize I didn't have that in my life anymore. Audrey has become that person. She is the person I call when I want to jump up and down and celebrate or cry. God knew that I was going to need her and He provided. I can't imagine my life without the Church family in it!

I remember having a conversation with my best friend Chelsea a few months after my mom died. We talked about how I had a huge fear of dating and even finding the one that God intended for me to marry because I knew that they w

ould never have the opportunity to know my mom. This crushed me. I remember praying that God would take that fear out of my heart and I began praying for specific qualities in my future husband AND in his family. This was new to me, I had never thought to pray for his family. I knew that no one would ever replace my mom, but God also knew that I needed to not only marry an amazing, godly man, but also be placed in a godly family. So I started praying. I prayed for specific qualities for my future mother-in-law. I won't go into the specific things I begged God for, but I will say that He provided them. He orchestrated me meeting my wonderful fiance who has become everything I could ever ask for in a man and he also provided a family. Scott and Kim Finnell (Trevor's parents) have become two of the most amazing people I know and I feel beyond blessed to be marrying their son. Kim and I have gotten very close over the last few months and I have come to learn that God truly did answer my prayer to the fullest...she has every quality that I prayed for in a future mother-in-law. It's such a blessing to feel so welcomed into a family that I haven't technically joined yet (through marriage) and I already feel like a daughter to both of them! I am so thankful that God took the fear of dating our of my heart and provided me with this new family!

Time doesn't heal but God DOES provide! Thank you, Jesus!

"Greater things are still to be done in this NATION!"

A few weeks ago I was sitting at church during worship when the song "God of this city" came on. I was struck by the lyrics and felt like God was speaking to me but replacing our city with our nation. It was put on my heart to sing...

"Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this NATION...."

Trevor and I have had several conversations about what our place and calling will be with sharing the gospel with our life in the military. We constantly ask "How will God use our marriage for His glory??"

At that moment, while we both stood and worshipped God together, I felt His presence in a powerful way telling me that He is going to use us to share Jesus with military families that we are surrounded by. I know that God is going to orchestrate every move we make within the military to a specific base for a specific reason. As of now, this is something we are praying through, but I can't shake the idea that God is going to do big things to reveal himself to our nation as a whole!

This morning Amanda and I were driving and kept seeing flags hanging at half-staff...we couldn't figure out why. When we came home, we made chocolate chip pancakes and turned on the news. President Obama was speaking in honor or Dorothy Heights, a leader of the civil rights movement. He started reading out of the gospel of Matthew about the blessing of humbleness.

I feel like God has been working on my heart for our nation over the last month, and I don't know exactly what He is trying to reveal, but I do know one thing... that is that He has a big plan for His name to be known across our nation and within the military culture. The love of Jesus will change lives in military and provide hope to these families who are so sacrificial with their lives and allow them to see an even greater purpose for their sacrifice than just for our country.

There are so many people who sacrifice on a daily basis for everyone in our nation. What greater gift could we give them other than sharing with their family the hope of Jesus?

"Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this NATION!"

Remembering

Last night I was sitting in my DSM class and we were talking about dementia and delirium disorders. We started talking about Alzheimers patients and watched a tear jerking video about one woman's story. It was fascinating to see that even though some people lost most of their memory and communicative abilities, they could still communicate so well with others non-verbally. We watched a woman start singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she began tapping her arm to the beat of the woman singing. She would then start tapping harder and faster and the woman would match the tone and volume of her voice to her tapping. It was absolutely incredible. Towards the end of the video the patient actually opened her eyes and started singing with her!! This caregiver knew that singing about Jesus would light up her eyes, so she did and they had such a special moment together!

I was crying (hard!) by this time in class and it made me think of my mama when she was at the stage where she could no longer communicate. She never had Alzheimers, but she did have several of those same communicative difficulties towards her last days. It made me think about one of the last days before she went in Hospice. She was about to go to bed and I was laying next to her praying over her before bed. She hadn't spoken in a couple of days but I knew she still was completely aware of what I was saying. I remember when I finished praying, she kept mumbling something that I couldn't make out at first. A tear came down her face and she kept mumbling it. As I continued to sit and listen, I made out what she was saying. "Jesus" "Jesus" "Jesus" She had been repeating "Jesus" over and over. It was as if since she couldn't necessarily pray out loud anymore, she was still talking her her savior, Jesus. That was a huge testimony to my own life! What will be some of the last words I say? Will they be about the Lord and King of my life?

As much as crying in the middle of class is never fun, I appreciate the moments in my life that help me remember some of those sweet times my mom and I shared that I will never forget!

Tension of time

This week has been CRAZY! I feel like every aspect of my life has felt like it's on steroids... grad school, grant writing for SELAH, medical appts, wedding planning, etc! There has been some amazing praises that have happened but I am also just physically exhausted!

I am also starting to feel the tension of time again in my life. I think the reality that I am not going to be living in Austin in September after Trevor and I get married is starting to set in. It's making me realize that I want to spend as much time as possible with all my church family and people I love here before I move in 5 months! It has also been slightly overwhelming to realize because I don't feel like there is much I can do about it right now because there are not enough hours in the day! I am trying to balance school in San Marcos, family in Buda, my church community in Austin, and start spending a couple days a month in my future city (Killeen) with my fiance. Ahhhhhh :/

During the week I spend almost everyday either on campus or writing papers and that only leaves two days on the weekends to spend with everyone. Several of my friends work on the weekends and these are also the only days I am able to see Trevor on a weekly basis. I'm trying to balance spending time on the wknds with people because even though I absolutely LOVE spending time with my fiance, I also realize that in 5 short months I will have the rest of my life with him & may not have as much time with these friends on a regular basis!

I'm actually really excited about this weekend because I tried to make it a point to spend more time with people! On Friday I'm spending the morning with Audrey which I am thrilled about because we have both been in and out of town almost the entire month and Friday evening I'll be with Trevor just spending time in Killeen. On Saturday I'm super excited to have breakfast with three of my favorite girls which is so long over due! I actually think the last time the four of us had a meal together was after Chelsea got back from her honeymoon! That's NUTS! I think we also have plans with Trevor's family sometime this weekend, and an Easter Sunday BBQ after church and then dinner with the Church's! It's gonna be a great weekend and I can't wait to spend time with all the people I love!

I guess I am balancing things better than I think, I have just had a heavy heart about making time for everyone lately and just wish there were more hours in the week!

Love you guys, thanks for reading!

A military WIFE to a military FIANCE!

What a blessing! The day after I found out about the VA internship, I started wondering where I would live this summer while I do my internship. Since I don't know if there will be a stipend involved, I needed to find a cheap room for rent with someone I knew! I was looking for somewhere already furnished so I could move all my stuff to Trevor's once my lease ended and just bring clothes and daily things with me. I was also hoping that it would be in south austin so I could be close to the VA, wouldn't have to fight crazy traffic, and could still be close to my friends/family!

I originally had anxiety about posting it up on FB to look for someone, but prayed about it and all of a sudden yesterday I started feeling a lot of peace about it. So I did. I posted on my status that I was looking for a room to rent during my internship in Austin from June-August before we got married.

Within FOUR minutes one of my friends who I used to work with, Ashlee, commented on my status. She immediately said I could live with her if I wanted and that she has an extra furnished room for a very reasonable price! I couldn't believe it... Ashlee's husband, Ben, is also in the military! He is currently working in NC and they just bought a house in Austin for Ashlee and their new baby (Brycen) to live in until he comes home! This felt perfect...it was obviously part of God's plan!

Not only did a good friend of mine offer me a place to live but it is also only 10 minutes from the VA where I will work everyday, I can help her with their new addition to their family, have GREAT girl time, and she can show me the ropes of military LIFE and help prepare me for Trevor and I's life together!

I am feeling so blessed and BEYOND thrilled! Thank you ASHLEE & BEN!

OEF/OIF Case management position

Well most of you know that I have been coming up on a full-time internship this summer! I have been applying and interviewing with possible placements around the Austin area. The main thing I am interested in for my placement is a medical setting working with a military population. My first choice was to work on a military base or at the VA. The problem with Austin is that we are right smack in the middle of San Antonio and Killeen which are both big military cities! Austin is not... so I started exploring the VA. The Central Texas Veterans Health Care System (CTVHCS) has over a dozen VA hospitals and outpatient clinics around central Texas with only one actually in the city limits of Austin!

When I started pursuing the VA internship in Austin the field director told me that it was almost impossible to get an internship here in the city. He said that most people are sent to Temple to the main hospital... I decided to continue to pursue it and just ask that God would provide an opening for the Summer. I interviewed at Seton on 38th downtown and was accepted, but the VA was still my first choice. I waited about 3 weeks to get an interview scheduled with them and got increasingly anxious as I waited! I started wondering if this was really a possibility!

I had my interview with the VA in the OEF/OIF case management dept last Friday and fell in love with it! My supervisor who I interviewed with was wonderful and I really enjoyed what it sounded like I would be doing! The position is working with returning troops from Iraq and Afghanistan who have served in a combat zone in the last 10 years. The department provides case management, primary and behavioral health, as well as supportive counseling for any troops that need it.

I had a major melt down on Monday afternoon because I was completely overwhelmed with school, grant writing, missing my mom, not knowing about the internship or my living situation for the Summer. I felt so defeated in that moment...so I did the only thing I know to do, I prayed. I surrendered everything to Him as I cried... hard. A few minutes later I was sending Trevor a text message and an email popped up on my phone from the supervisor at the VA. She asked me to call her because she lost my number. I quickly wiped my eyes and stopped crying to call her back! She offered me the internship and the first thing I thought was "Thank you God...You just needed me to remember who my rock is and rely on You!" This is exactly what I needed from God. I needed Him to bring me back down to the place of desperation to see that He has it all in control and just wants me to go to Him first!

I am utterly thrilled about my internship and SO very thankful for this opportunity! It's just another way of God orchestrating each individual day of my life and my future!

September 4, 2010

I can't believe that Trevor and I are engaged!!! I am SO beyond excited and seriously feel like the most blessed girl in the world! Not only is God allowing me to marry the man I fell in love with, but He is also providing me a new family...a family who loves Him deeply!

Trevor and I spent the last 10 days in California with his family and it was the perfect trip (even before he proposed!) I felt like I already knew his parents just from talking on the phone and skype the last few months, but it was wonderful to be able to build that relationship in person and I absolutely fell in love with them. I can honestly say they feel like family!

Towards the end of the trip, the two of us and both of our families met in San Diego for dinner to meet for the first time! The dinner went great! After dinner, I told him we should go for a walk on the beach (not realizing that this was already Trevor's plan and part of the proposal!!) We casually walked along Pacific beach in our comfy clothes all bundled up and sat down in the sand looking at the beautiful ocean. Trevor began to tell me that he had lied to me earlier that day about what he was doing (because he was getting the ring sized) and looked me in the eyes and smiled. We both shared the moment of feeling so loved sitting on the sand, listening to the waves crash. Before I knew it, Trevor had something in his hand and said "You should probably stop looking at me now and look at my right hand!" I began freaking out saying "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" and finally looked...

"Will you marry me?"-Trevor asked

I'm sure you can guess...I said YES!!

Trevor gave me a beautiful ring that had one of the last diamonds from his grandfather's jewelry store before he passed away. It's for sure my favorite part of the ring and what makes it so special! I feel so honored to be wearing a family ring!

As of this morning we have a date and a venue set!! We will be getting married on September 4, 2010 at Texas Old Town in Kyle, Texas!