This morning I woke up thankful. I always anticipate how I will feel days and weeks before big holidays and I usually anticipate the worse...which technically makes me grieve my mom before the holiday or anniversary actually takes place. It's amazing how everyone processes and grieves differently.
Like I said, this morning I woke up thankful. I woke up to a text message from my wonderful fiance honoring my mom and wishing he could be here for this day instead of at Air Force training. I also turned over and looked at printed pictures of wedding dress shopping last weekend and all of the people who were there to support me! Again... it made me thankful.
People say that time heals everything. I don't really believe this. In my life, it hasn't been time healing my pain, it has been God providing. God has provided people in my life who have become family. These people will never replace my wonderful mother (nor do they want to) instead, they help me honor and remember her and provide the support that she did in my life!
John and Audrey Church have become my family. When I think of home, even though I was raised in several places from New England to Texas...I think of Buda/Kyle. When I drive to their house, it feels like I am driving away from the city, and home to family! I cannot explain what God has provided to me through their family. John has become like a big brother who I greatly respect. He always provides good wisdom when I don't know what to do in a situation and can definatly always make me laugh! Audrey has become the sister I never had. Sometimes we joke about whether she has become more like a sister or a mom, because she def gets sentimental like a mother would in my life. I used to call my mom several times a day...she was the person I would call when anything happened...good or bad! When my mom died, I kept finding myself dialing her number to tell her something even months after, only to realize I didn't have that in my life anymore. Audrey has become that person. She is the person I call when I want to jump up and down and celebrate or cry. God knew that I was going to need her and He provided. I can't imagine my life without the Church family in it!
I remember having a conversation with my best friend Chelsea a few months after my mom died. We talked about how I had a huge fear of dating and even finding the one that God intended for me to marry because I knew that they w
ould never have the opportunity to know my mom. This crushed me. I remember praying that God would take that fear out of my heart and I began praying for specific qualities in my future husband AND in his family. This was new to me, I had never thought to pray for his family. I knew that no one would ever replace my mom, but God also knew that I needed to not only marry an amazing, godly man, but also be placed in a godly family. So I started praying. I prayed for specific qualities for my future mother-in-law. I won't go into the specific things I begged God for, but I will say that He provided them. He orchestrated me meeting my wonderful fiance who has become everything I could ever ask for in a man and he also provided a family. Scott and Kim Finnell (Trevor's parents) have become two of the most amazing people I know and I feel beyond blessed to be marrying their son. Kim and I have gotten very close over the last few months and I have come to learn that God truly did answer my prayer to the fullest...she has every quality that I prayed for in a future mother-in-law. It's such a blessing to feel so welcomed into a family that I haven't technically joined yet (through marriage) and I already feel like a daughter to both of them! I am so thankful that God took the fear of dating our of my heart and provided me with this new family!
Time doesn't heal but God DOES provide! Thank you, Jesus!
