Be still and know that I am God

"Be still..."

For anyone who knows me, being "still" is not me. I don't think it's the word that pops into anyone's head when they think of me...just saying! This part of the verse is so difficult for me, especially lately. Right now I am sitting in a completely empty and silent house. I just put brownies in the oven for Trevor, who just took Sophie to get some ice cream for our dessert and our house is completely silent. completely still.

This is a perfect example of what my life has become since marrying my soul mate and moving with him to Harker Heights. I am so used to being actively involved in a church, small group, and constantly going out to dinner, coffee, etc with friends. I also realized that over the past 5 years I have not had more than a couple weeks off between school, work, and being a caregiver for my mama. Now that I am in Harker Heights, I don't have a job and I have one friend (I joke about this, but it's kinda true :P) so things have drastically slowed down. During the day I have been looking for jobs and preparing our new home (decorating, cleaning, organizing, etc). It usually keeps me busy until around 1-2pm every day when I begin to go absolutely stir crazy, which is usually when I make my daily run to Target and use our gift card for something "home" related!

"And know that I am God."

The truth is that I have been struggling with discovering my purpose and place here (yes, I know it's only been a week!) I thought when I moved here I was going to be "The newlywed social worker who works with military families." Then God said..."WRONG!" As of now I cannot find a job as a social worker anywhere, whether working with military families or not. The part that I was right about is that part of my identity is of course as a wife and newlywed and I am so thankful for that. I have also been struggling with the feelings of inadequacy and failure since I have not been able to find a job.

What God has shown me...

I thought that I was having a hard time living out the being still part of this verse but I have realized that I have not been trusting in the One who I know is God. Of course I know the truth that He is God...but I have not been living as if I know that truth. Like I said in my last blog, who am I to think I am entitled to a job?? I have to continually tell myself that there is an absolute reason why I don't have a job and that God does have the PERFECT job lined up for me. An even harder thought to consider is that what I am doing right now is in fact exactly what He has for me right NOW. I am not just waiting for Him to give me a job but He has already given me the job He wants for me in this season, which is to "Be Still...," keep my eyes on Him, and to continue to prepare our home and serve my new husband in every way possible. Instead of waking up every morning and going straight to my computer to look for jobs and getting discouraged by 10am, I need to wake up and make my priority spending time with God before I do anything. Even more than just finding rest in this season, this is a time for me to spend time with the Lord and learn to how to love Him even more deeply as a married woman. Trevor will also be leaving for Air Force training on September 30th for a month and I'm pretty confident that the Lord is giving us this sweet time together by allowing me to stay home and be available around his work schedule for our first month of marriage!

So here's the whole verse: "Be still and know that I am God" and this is the verse that I am going to continue reciting to myself and thanking God for this still season in my life to grow closer to Him and share with my husband in our new home.