"Greater things are still to be done in this NATION!"

A few weeks ago I was sitting at church during worship when the song "God of this city" came on. I was struck by the lyrics and felt like God was speaking to me but replacing our city with our nation. It was put on my heart to sing...

"Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this NATION...."

Trevor and I have had several conversations about what our place and calling will be with sharing the gospel with our life in the military. We constantly ask "How will God use our marriage for His glory??"

At that moment, while we both stood and worshipped God together, I felt His presence in a powerful way telling me that He is going to use us to share Jesus with military families that we are surrounded by. I know that God is going to orchestrate every move we make within the military to a specific base for a specific reason. As of now, this is something we are praying through, but I can't shake the idea that God is going to do big things to reveal himself to our nation as a whole!

This morning Amanda and I were driving and kept seeing flags hanging at half-staff...we couldn't figure out why. When we came home, we made chocolate chip pancakes and turned on the news. President Obama was speaking in honor or Dorothy Heights, a leader of the civil rights movement. He started reading out of the gospel of Matthew about the blessing of humbleness.

I feel like God has been working on my heart for our nation over the last month, and I don't know exactly what He is trying to reveal, but I do know one thing... that is that He has a big plan for His name to be known across our nation and within the military culture. The love of Jesus will change lives in military and provide hope to these families who are so sacrificial with their lives and allow them to see an even greater purpose for their sacrifice than just for our country.

There are so many people who sacrifice on a daily basis for everyone in our nation. What greater gift could we give them other than sharing with their family the hope of Jesus?

"Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this NATION!"

Remembering

Last night I was sitting in my DSM class and we were talking about dementia and delirium disorders. We started talking about Alzheimers patients and watched a tear jerking video about one woman's story. It was fascinating to see that even though some people lost most of their memory and communicative abilities, they could still communicate so well with others non-verbally. We watched a woman start singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she began tapping her arm to the beat of the woman singing. She would then start tapping harder and faster and the woman would match the tone and volume of her voice to her tapping. It was absolutely incredible. Towards the end of the video the patient actually opened her eyes and started singing with her!! This caregiver knew that singing about Jesus would light up her eyes, so she did and they had such a special moment together!

I was crying (hard!) by this time in class and it made me think of my mama when she was at the stage where she could no longer communicate. She never had Alzheimers, but she did have several of those same communicative difficulties towards her last days. It made me think about one of the last days before she went in Hospice. She was about to go to bed and I was laying next to her praying over her before bed. She hadn't spoken in a couple of days but I knew she still was completely aware of what I was saying. I remember when I finished praying, she kept mumbling something that I couldn't make out at first. A tear came down her face and she kept mumbling it. As I continued to sit and listen, I made out what she was saying. "Jesus" "Jesus" "Jesus" She had been repeating "Jesus" over and over. It was as if since she couldn't necessarily pray out loud anymore, she was still talking her her savior, Jesus. That was a huge testimony to my own life! What will be some of the last words I say? Will they be about the Lord and King of my life?

As much as crying in the middle of class is never fun, I appreciate the moments in my life that help me remember some of those sweet times my mom and I shared that I will never forget!

Tension of time

This week has been CRAZY! I feel like every aspect of my life has felt like it's on steroids... grad school, grant writing for SELAH, medical appts, wedding planning, etc! There has been some amazing praises that have happened but I am also just physically exhausted!

I am also starting to feel the tension of time again in my life. I think the reality that I am not going to be living in Austin in September after Trevor and I get married is starting to set in. It's making me realize that I want to spend as much time as possible with all my church family and people I love here before I move in 5 months! It has also been slightly overwhelming to realize because I don't feel like there is much I can do about it right now because there are not enough hours in the day! I am trying to balance school in San Marcos, family in Buda, my church community in Austin, and start spending a couple days a month in my future city (Killeen) with my fiance. Ahhhhhh :/

During the week I spend almost everyday either on campus or writing papers and that only leaves two days on the weekends to spend with everyone. Several of my friends work on the weekends and these are also the only days I am able to see Trevor on a weekly basis. I'm trying to balance spending time on the wknds with people because even though I absolutely LOVE spending time with my fiance, I also realize that in 5 short months I will have the rest of my life with him & may not have as much time with these friends on a regular basis!

I'm actually really excited about this weekend because I tried to make it a point to spend more time with people! On Friday I'm spending the morning with Audrey which I am thrilled about because we have both been in and out of town almost the entire month and Friday evening I'll be with Trevor just spending time in Killeen. On Saturday I'm super excited to have breakfast with three of my favorite girls which is so long over due! I actually think the last time the four of us had a meal together was after Chelsea got back from her honeymoon! That's NUTS! I think we also have plans with Trevor's family sometime this weekend, and an Easter Sunday BBQ after church and then dinner with the Church's! It's gonna be a great weekend and I can't wait to spend time with all the people I love!

I guess I am balancing things better than I think, I have just had a heavy heart about making time for everyone lately and just wish there were more hours in the week!

Love you guys, thanks for reading!

A military WIFE to a military FIANCE!

What a blessing! The day after I found out about the VA internship, I started wondering where I would live this summer while I do my internship. Since I don't know if there will be a stipend involved, I needed to find a cheap room for rent with someone I knew! I was looking for somewhere already furnished so I could move all my stuff to Trevor's once my lease ended and just bring clothes and daily things with me. I was also hoping that it would be in south austin so I could be close to the VA, wouldn't have to fight crazy traffic, and could still be close to my friends/family!

I originally had anxiety about posting it up on FB to look for someone, but prayed about it and all of a sudden yesterday I started feeling a lot of peace about it. So I did. I posted on my status that I was looking for a room to rent during my internship in Austin from June-August before we got married.

Within FOUR minutes one of my friends who I used to work with, Ashlee, commented on my status. She immediately said I could live with her if I wanted and that she has an extra furnished room for a very reasonable price! I couldn't believe it... Ashlee's husband, Ben, is also in the military! He is currently working in NC and they just bought a house in Austin for Ashlee and their new baby (Brycen) to live in until he comes home! This felt perfect...it was obviously part of God's plan!

Not only did a good friend of mine offer me a place to live but it is also only 10 minutes from the VA where I will work everyday, I can help her with their new addition to their family, have GREAT girl time, and she can show me the ropes of military LIFE and help prepare me for Trevor and I's life together!

I am feeling so blessed and BEYOND thrilled! Thank you ASHLEE & BEN!

OEF/OIF Case management position

Well most of you know that I have been coming up on a full-time internship this summer! I have been applying and interviewing with possible placements around the Austin area. The main thing I am interested in for my placement is a medical setting working with a military population. My first choice was to work on a military base or at the VA. The problem with Austin is that we are right smack in the middle of San Antonio and Killeen which are both big military cities! Austin is not... so I started exploring the VA. The Central Texas Veterans Health Care System (CTVHCS) has over a dozen VA hospitals and outpatient clinics around central Texas with only one actually in the city limits of Austin!

When I started pursuing the VA internship in Austin the field director told me that it was almost impossible to get an internship here in the city. He said that most people are sent to Temple to the main hospital... I decided to continue to pursue it and just ask that God would provide an opening for the Summer. I interviewed at Seton on 38th downtown and was accepted, but the VA was still my first choice. I waited about 3 weeks to get an interview scheduled with them and got increasingly anxious as I waited! I started wondering if this was really a possibility!

I had my interview with the VA in the OEF/OIF case management dept last Friday and fell in love with it! My supervisor who I interviewed with was wonderful and I really enjoyed what it sounded like I would be doing! The position is working with returning troops from Iraq and Afghanistan who have served in a combat zone in the last 10 years. The department provides case management, primary and behavioral health, as well as supportive counseling for any troops that need it.

I had a major melt down on Monday afternoon because I was completely overwhelmed with school, grant writing, missing my mom, not knowing about the internship or my living situation for the Summer. I felt so defeated in that moment...so I did the only thing I know to do, I prayed. I surrendered everything to Him as I cried... hard. A few minutes later I was sending Trevor a text message and an email popped up on my phone from the supervisor at the VA. She asked me to call her because she lost my number. I quickly wiped my eyes and stopped crying to call her back! She offered me the internship and the first thing I thought was "Thank you God...You just needed me to remember who my rock is and rely on You!" This is exactly what I needed from God. I needed Him to bring me back down to the place of desperation to see that He has it all in control and just wants me to go to Him first!

I am utterly thrilled about my internship and SO very thankful for this opportunity! It's just another way of God orchestrating each individual day of my life and my future!

September 4, 2010

I can't believe that Trevor and I are engaged!!! I am SO beyond excited and seriously feel like the most blessed girl in the world! Not only is God allowing me to marry the man I fell in love with, but He is also providing me a new family...a family who loves Him deeply!

Trevor and I spent the last 10 days in California with his family and it was the perfect trip (even before he proposed!) I felt like I already knew his parents just from talking on the phone and skype the last few months, but it was wonderful to be able to build that relationship in person and I absolutely fell in love with them. I can honestly say they feel like family!

Towards the end of the trip, the two of us and both of our families met in San Diego for dinner to meet for the first time! The dinner went great! After dinner, I told him we should go for a walk on the beach (not realizing that this was already Trevor's plan and part of the proposal!!) We casually walked along Pacific beach in our comfy clothes all bundled up and sat down in the sand looking at the beautiful ocean. Trevor began to tell me that he had lied to me earlier that day about what he was doing (because he was getting the ring sized) and looked me in the eyes and smiled. We both shared the moment of feeling so loved sitting on the sand, listening to the waves crash. Before I knew it, Trevor had something in his hand and said "You should probably stop looking at me now and look at my right hand!" I began freaking out saying "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" and finally looked...

"Will you marry me?"-Trevor asked

I'm sure you can guess...I said YES!!

Trevor gave me a beautiful ring that had one of the last diamonds from his grandfather's jewelry store before he passed away. It's for sure my favorite part of the ring and what makes it so special! I feel so honored to be wearing a family ring!

As of this morning we have a date and a venue set!! We will be getting married on September 4, 2010 at Texas Old Town in Kyle, Texas!

A reflection of the last 18 months

I'm sitting up in the mountains in Idylwild California w/Trevor and his family! What a beautiful place to have a home! Sitting in the mountains makes me think of this blog specifically...Shalom. It seems like a place that brings peace and completeness to this family! It makes me smile :D

Somedays I wake up and just think about how much change God has brought in my life in the last 18 months and I sit amazed in His presence. I used to think of the change as just utter chaos and it overwhelmed to think about it...Now I see it as God's perfect plan for my life. Trevor and I are reading one of Francis Chan's books called "Crazy Love" and one of the chapters talks about just sitting in God's presence and how as believers we need to be comfortable doing that and even long for that time with Him. We both realized that we also find ourselves having a hard time doing this...Instead we go to Him and thank Him and ask for things, but rarely ever just sit and dwell in His presence. Sometimes I feel like God forces me to do this, since I don't always do it on my own and when this happens, I am so thankful for the time to reflect on this change I am talking about.

In a summary, this is what God has done over these months...

In October of 2008, my mom's health began to decline and she was diagnosed with a blood clot and lymphoma. She was in and out of Seton hospital in Austin for the entire month of October...I felt like we lived there for that month.

Also in October in 2008, I got a Facebook message (I know, FB of all ways) from my dad's side of my family. I hadn't had any contact from this side of the family in over 20 years and I was in shock. My mom's health was declining and I discovered a side of the family I never knew. All I could think about was "What are you trying to teach me God? I know there is a reason for this all at once, please reveal it to me." I later found out, that He was doing this for two reasons...He was surrounding me with more family at a time when I needed it the most. He was also giving my dad's side of the family an opportunity to learn about the most important aspect of my mom and I's life since we left New England...that was our faith in Him. This is where our identity came from individually and as a family and this was our opportunity to share Him through our lives.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were very different that year. My mom always wanted to teach me how to cook and I always made excuses why I didn't want to, up until this year. She told me every year that she wanted to teach me how to prepare a Thanksgiving meal for my own family one day....well this year I learned. My mom sat in her chair and talked me through how to make an entire Thanksgiving dinner for the two of us. It was our year that she had been waiting for and now I know that God knew that this would be our last Thanksgiving together...Praise Him for giving us that time. Christmas was also very different...But such a blessing to have together as a family!

The month of January flew by faster than any other month of my life. My mom's health continued to decline and before I knew it, Hospice had come into our home full time. I remember sitting at home with her for days at a time. My best friend Chelsea and I spent two straight weeks sleeping on the floor next to my mom's hospital bed, taking turns getting up to give her meds every two hours. It felt like the longest two weeks, but at the same time, the shortest. I wanted to slow down time to spend as much time as I could with my mom, because I knew the Lord was going to call her home soon. On January 27, 2009 I woke up knowing that I that day was going to be the day. I remember sitting on my mama's bed with her and just spending time with her that day and writing letters to close friends. "I love you" and "Jesus" were two of the last things out of her mouth, before she went to be with the Lord.

The next few months were honestly a blur. I moved in with John & Audrey and the kids and absolutely loved living with them! It was some of the best months of my life, even during such a transitional period! I did an internship all summer, graduated in August and started grad school just 10 days after graduation! I've now been in grad school for almost a year and I'll be graduating with my Master's degree in clinical social work in August.

My boyfriend, Trevor and I started dating in the fall and he has been such a blessing in my life. It's one of the changes that's happened this year that I am SO thankful for! I can honestly say that these months that we've been dating have been some of the most joyful months I've had in over a year. I feel God's presence in our relationship daily and I am so excited to see what He has in our future! Trevor has quickly become part of my family in Buda and in Austin and I'm so excited to be spending time with his family this week and making memories with them!

That has been my life over the last 18 months... full of blessings, christ-centered suffering, JOY, and big transitions! I've lost family, gained family I never knew, was adopted into a family, and I'm hoping to keep building relationships with more family! Thanks for reading this lengthy blog and learning about what God has done in my life recently!